For the umpteenth time I am attempting to begin again. As to triggers for each prior iteration of these beginnings, I can blame various cataclysmic events – a delayed quarter life crisis which ended up with me starting over on a new continent, a short lived romance, and the sense of endlessly treading water being prime examples of some of these. On this occasion however, I cannot pinpoint a singular reason why; such has been the sort of year I have had – between the end of a good year of sorts with G and the significant uncertainties brought about by an unstable oil price regime.
In conversation with K, she blurts out her conclusion that my slew of resets, reboots and new beginnings are only a smoke screen for avoiding commitment. Dee, the closest thing to a big sister I still have agrees, her conviction no less firm though tempered by associating my behaviour with a phase she once went through. I disagree with them both of course. For one there is a sense in which being a compulsive journal-er, as well as writing on the web in some guise or the other for well nigh on 8 years, has meant that I have come to think and write in a certain way, settled into the very deepest of ruts.
Admittedly, beginning again has a certain allure: the promise of casting off the old, wiping the slate clean and reinventing oneself with new paths and new directions to chase does lend itself to the redemptive meta narrative we as a species seem primed to crave. What this allure doesn’t account for though is the carnage that breaks often leave in their wake, particularly where feelings, time and other people are involved.
The big objective here then – besides the need to start over – is to find a new voice, without the pressure, and in the relative safety of a regained anonymity. To reach this different, hopefully radically new normal will take lots of experimentation; which is why I have armed myself with DW Moore’s Crafting the Personal Essay and the New York Times’ Learning sub-site with 500 prompts for narrative and creative writing.
Far from writing about any world-changing, life-altering, paradigm-shifting things, the bulk of what I will muse about on here will be the bread and butter things that weigh heavily on the mind of this single, thirty something year old razz Nigerian bloke: lostness, faith, chasing, finding and losing love, work, culture clashes, a burgeoning keg (instead of a six-pack), books, music and culture as well as my recollections of growing up – as ‘Quotidian‘ as anything could ever be.
The intent is to post something on here every Friday, upon completing the Daily Post’s Blogging 101 series. Whether I succeed at achieving these twin objectives – building the consistency and finding myself again – remains to be seen. At any rate, accept my warm WELCOME to the start of this new journey – as you have somehow found your way here. Here’s to hoping you stick around for the ride.