On the surface, I live a life that most people would envy – 5 years working for a Fortune 500 company in Nigeria, followed by a well recognized MSc and then a job working for one of the industry leaders in my sector of the Oil industry. On the family side, it would appear that I have it all sorted – the quintessential good son, with proud, loving and doting parents. The true picture couldn’t be further from the truth.
Each day I wake up, there is a slight tinge of regret that I made the decision to leave my Nigerian job. When my parents and I speak (often only once in two to three weeks), our conversations are strained, perfunctory and often seem like a forced marriage. I know they did their very best to cater for me as a kid growing up, but somewhere in my head, I still feel their extra strong handling is to blame for my uber reserved demeanour these days. With regards to work, the UK is becoming very unfriendly to immigrants, and the settledness of the first few years in my current job has given way to an inner agitation – I feel like I need to cast the net far and wide to relocate to a different continent. Right now if I got the right offer, I would not blink twice in relocating to Nigeria – warts and all.
I often come across as cynical, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. My pragmatism, borne of years of learning to stifle my feelings, throw walls around myself and guard my utterances, have left me virtually unable to connect emotionally with people. I sigh inwardly when I read the likes of Favoured Girl, Crush Thoughts and Till my Dying Day, they make me want to believe in love again…
- I want to love and be loved by SomeOne,
- I want to have a normal relationship with my parents,
- I want to declutter my head, and tear down the walls I have spent years building
- I want to reconnect to my inner mushy guy…..