In retrospect….. everything.

When I was younger, I secretly believed my mother could fly. To be honest, those heels could delude anyone into believing they could – add a full flowing boubou and you had a superman woman right there, complete with boots and a cape! She certainly was not ultra light – all us kids, and her aversion to wastage in any and every form meant she was always only just under a healthy weight. For all my reading of Essential Biology I should have known that real mothers could not fly; only fairy god mothers could – but the anecdotal evidence seemed to suggest that mine did, for the sheer number of times she caught me pants down – no pun intended.

Once whilst reading my umpteenth Nick Carter adventure – devouring with relish the dexterity with which between Wilhelmina (his German Luger), Hugo (his ultra useful pearl handled stiletto) and Pierre (his gas bomb), he managed to blow just about any and every enemy out of the way – she managed to surprise me at the precise moment the Killmaster was on the verge of surmounting those twin peaks of delight a la 007.  She had suddenly appeared at my side; I was too shell shocked to react  – the only good part was the book fell open to a shoot ’em up section – otherwise Father Callistus’ keg of holy water might have been invoked or worse the deliverance committee might have been called in.

That night, she proved she hadn’t lost her knack for ghosting into space like a world class striker attacking a corner at the far post  and blind siding the goalkeeper. It certainly didn’t help that I was reading this blog…..and giggling like a teenage girl lost in the throes of delirious laughter occasioned by the tickles of her puppy love….all at 3.00am… The reflections of the screen in my glasses must have alerted her to the fact that this was no ordinary word fest! In amazing presence of mind (or so I thought), I hit the windows key +D key combo, the screen quickly switching to my benign desktop.

She smiled that wry smile of hers that seemed to say boy! you’ve still not learnt, right?

I scanned her face for any obvious signs of displeasure. None. She and I have always had this near telepathic link up; scratch that, she has always read me like a book. I wonder what it is she will say, but Uncle Wole  didn’t teach her in vain… she always gives a master class…

I held her unnerving gaze for all of 18.46981 seconds… She pulled the chair next to me out and still holding my gaze asked… What do you write about? Just that! She just knows I have a blog, and she knows I will not tell the url. But she dares me to examine my motivations..

I ponder…. wonder….. try to remember….. all the things I have written…. a letter to her, numerous rants, of love spurned,  of near death experiences…… no singular answer can encapsulate all the things I have written about… As she stands up to leave, I mutter…

In retrospect, everything…

29 thoughts on “In retrospect….. everything.

  1. Ha! I swear Mothers have a 7th (apparently the 6th is sense of balance) sense just to detect when you are up to no good! If she were to somehow "stumble" on your blog though, I bet she would be amused and/or touched by your odes to her.

    Ps: Nick Carter books were the truth then! And James Hadley Chase too. Left the M&Bs to my baby sister…smh

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  2. Lol I loved all the similes & metaphors. Nice nice. Mothers are amazing, simple and short. Don't be surprised if she's already an avid reader if your blog. Avid "anonymous" commenter too maybe? Haha

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  3. @AJ — I suspect that might be the case….. Dang.. She once caught me with her copy of Every Woman *cringe* I agree Nick Carter was the bomb — the word pictures were graphic!
    @miss.fab — lol.. feel free… being a minute!
    @chichi — yes o.. great most times… except when one is trying to hide stuff
    @kay9 – yes o.. that too… sheesh
    @Original Mgbeke — She sure was a mini riot mehn…. plus she was adept at manipulating the koboko.. or even her feet!
    @Caramel Delight — LOL.. It must happen after they give birth or something.. Maybe their real mass is less than before then!
    @Harry — LOL… They are simply phenomenal..
    @Neefemi — Yes o.. They deserve it…

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  4. @NoLimit — Lol.. She's doesn't know the history behind most of the things I blog about though…. So I'm kinda safe…
    @TDVA — TeeDiva!!! Are you back or just breezing thru……………..
    @BBB — They must have a seventh sense as AJ postulates…
    @RepressedOne — LOL… rust me, my internal atomic clock is that accurate… My mum also knows my baaadddd side… Like the stubborn, hard headed bloke side…
    @Azazel — Lol.. they must have spoken a mouthful mehn….
    @miss.fab — lol.. i doubt it… She's as opposed to the internet as I am an avid fan of it…
    @Rita — LOL.. Of course.. Just not from the blog though.. The timing was from my internal clock… lol
    @Jhazmyn — Awww… thanks….
    @Spesh — Lol.. changed the theme…
    @Debbie — Yes o.. She is.. even though I have my own foibles too..

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  5. Nice one, never heard of Nick Carter until tonight, wikipedia is a rich resource! Mothers are 'mothers' if they carried one for nine months they probably know more about us than we can ever tell!
    Your mum will find your blog sooner than you know if she hasn't already:)

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  6. lol…r all mums like that? do they receive ghost ninja training in some discreet out of space college?

    you "held her gaze for all of 18.46981 seconds"…lol…how did u manage to count in the heat of the moment?

    except u've NEVER mentioned ANY private details (and I suspect u have) on ur blog, it's only a matter of time b4 she finds it, if she's curious enof to…

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  7. re something else, shebi? This post reminds me of how I didn't tell my mom about my political blog for over a year. Once she found out, she simply shook her head and muttered, "Just like your father". lol!

    Anyway, how body?

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  8. hahahaa… Mothers eh? When I was growing up eh, there was my mother first…. and there was God!

    Rolf at .. u thought your ma could fly! hahaha… Mothers… amazing women.
    Have a great weekend.

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  9. Mothers always find you out! I wonder how they do it! You never could lie to mine…and she was very generous with the plastic hangers(you know thos thick plastic ones in the 80s?) for the boys (that was her whip)and for us girls, my mum could wake you up at 2am to talk some sense into your head…Nah, you can't mess with my mama!

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  10. I thought I was the only one who still went back and read Baba Alaye's posts, lol

    I can just imagine my mother, asking my sister to see if I updated and calling me to find out why I didn't tell you guys how fine she was,

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  11. my mom always steadies her gaze on my face whenever i am working on my laptop, she knows i would never let her look at the screen, so i always think she tries to know what i am writing about by looking at my face. i so hate that! mothers sha

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