You know you are a chronic bachelor when…

You know you are a chronic bachelor when…

  1. People at more than two diners know you on a first name basis – clearly you have eaten out sooooo much that you are now an honorary share holder.
  2. The favorite inside joke among your friends is about how ‘easy’ your wedding will be – no need to seriously chase a little bride or a little groom as friends daughters and sons will provide that.
  3. The scrawny little kid who used to run around naked in the streets, plastered with sand has now morphed into a delectable mid-twenties chic, and she pitches in once in a while about wanting to chop your cake!
  4. You get unsolicited email addresses and phone numbers from your peeps. They have decided to take matters into their hands by bombarding you with options.
  5. Your father jokingly reminds you of how he met, chased and eventually married your mother. Sadly that is about as subtle as HE can get!
  6. You get quizzed about any girl you are remotely associated with. Even the one who owes you money and only dropped by to negotiate the payment terms!
  7. The Uncle who has not spoken to you in aeons suddenly invites you over for a family vist three times in a month and takes you on a cruise to singles church. Mr sharp man uncle is trying to showcase your talents to the crouching wolves and hoping your bachelor tinted eyes will suddenly wake up.
  8. Your favorite aunt snatches her baby bag from you whilst you are trying to help pack up after a family night out. Her argument is that she doesn’t want anybody to think you are either married or a single father.
  9. You are suddenly analyzing the pros and cons of taking the chase online.
  10. When you and your friends meet up after long absences they eventually pop the question. ‘Soooooo, gist me, what has being happening to you’. Oh and they don’t mean work!

50 thoughts on “You know you are a chronic bachelor when…

  1. Hmm DannyB! What does 'chop your cake' mean?
    I didn't know men went through these things too. Make me smile πŸ™‚
    PS Regarding number 8, we went to a wedding and my Uncle told me to hand over my little cousin in case people thought he was mine! See wahala!

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  2. @ shona vixen — friends can be needless pains in the wrong regions.. guess they have good intentions anyways…
    @tatababe — LOL.. When the hand bag snatching thing happened I was as bemused as I was confused… Thankfully I am wiser now.
    @fantasy queen — ah.. not in chronic stage by my own estimation – at least I 'scored' less than 60%.. πŸ™‚
    @Neefemi — LOL… At least you have a plausible story..
    @Nice Anon — Hmmm… true .. But the 'scrawny little kid' will always be the scrawny little kid in my eyes…..

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  3. @ miss.fab — Hmm… Perhaps.. But it's becoming the new fad i hear… You would know about the promo cos you googled for info right? πŸ˜‰
    @Myne Whitman — LOL.. Very true.. Except you are the one under the cosh.. then it becomes perturbing..
    @Rose — #1 is so obvious that perhaps it should be a defining characteristic anymore…
    @Trybes — LOL.. #1 is so symptomatic! and I agree from the peeps I talk to, #9 is the new cool o….
    @Rita — LOL.. Bloke go through a lot as well o.. except maybe at later times (comparatively) than women do… And yup, this particular father lacks any form of subtlety!

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  4. @Lara — True on #10.. Maybe it is especially so for ladies even.. The rudest shock was when one of the blokes who mans the till at one of the diners called this blokes name and greeted very excitedly one evening… real cause for alarm o!
    @Miss Kikky — LOL… Maybe.. Let's just say that #9 is a different way to do it…
    @Anoda Phase — I confess — I am so #1, but I am improving o!
    @solomonsydelle — Hmm…. not quite the 'chronic' case yet.. So I can skip that one… .maybe by 2020, if the situation persists…
    @mizcynic — Hmm.. just a few.. Not all the questions yet.. e never bad reach …

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  5. @Ms. O — LOL.. Not quite at that stage yet… Still need a few more years of not showing effort and endeavour to get into that category I would think… Thanks for the good wishes nonetheless…
    @Nefertiti — Ah, I no understand your question o…… U fit expantiate?
    @Caramel Delight — Hmm.. apparently it is a subtle reference to getting a slice of a wedding cake… LOL @ your Uncle — i can see he was taking good care to ensure the right 'signals' were being sent…
    @Enkay — LOL.. By my estimation (less than 60%) – I think I am not quite the chronic case just yet…

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  6. Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool hahahahha wowserssss…
    Mr RustGeek I commend this post, online dating as trybes said is definitely becomin a fad

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  7. LOL! I see it as all coming from a good place so I just smile and say nothing or say amen to their prayers. To some, marriage is the answer for all things. I've changed my view of e-harmony et al., according to them 2% of people who got married in the states last year met on their site, me thinks it's a significant number and no, I'm not considering it!!Lol! Remain blessed

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  8. This was quite funny.. number 10 made me laugh out so loud.. because I do this to male friends who have been single since… forever! lol..

    and no 4… hehehehe… πŸ™‚

    How are you doing though? Have an awesome week πŸ™‚

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  9. Bros, you've definitely been there and you've had the best of the world of a chronic bachelor. Perfect description you've given here, although it actually proves to me that maybe i'm not the chronic bachelor that i claim to be afterall. lol. Come to think about it, the Bachelorhood period is probably the best period in life afterall . . . what could be better than freedom, and the feeling like a bird free to fly.

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  10. @ controversy — lol… i agree, seeing a lot ore chaps i know taking the chase online…
    @HYAW — A wedding cake, ie she wants to see a wedding ASAP..
    @believer — lol.. abi o… all na prayer na… Hmm.. that e-Harmony stat is intriguing.. the idea of having all those PhDs pre-screen women for me never appealed to me tho, I prefer things a little bit more hands on…
    Remi — LOL.. spare the brothers the bother o…. adds to the pressure already….#4 is sooooo one kind… it's almost as if they are taunting you!
    @Geebee — LOL… I am a bachelor — not quite the chronic case yet, I gather…..hmm feeling like a bird free to fly… most of the times — sometimes flying is like a kite — one needs a tether sometimes i reckon..

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  11. Hhahaha!!! this is funny. Although i must say, some things are not that far from happening to a bachelorette. number 10 has to be my favorite. I ask that a lot to my guy friends.. and yes, im getting asked that question a lot too. Worse, some people whom i have not seen a long time, would ask…so, is your last name still the same?

    hahaha! this is funny o!!!

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  12. Very interesting list!
    So funny but true and it could really 'stressful' for those going through 'chronic bachelorhood' not to talk of the 'spinsters'

    LOL@ "Even the one who owes you money and only dropped by to negotiate the payment terms!"
    and 'bachelor tinted eyes'

    you this RustGeek! I dont even know which one is my favourite, but a very 'so true' list.

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  13. Interesting….
    Let me see…………………
    When last was I in this position?
    I'm trying to think………………..
    Ok.
    Seriously, it was not too long ago.
    Before I got struck by the thunderbolt – Godfather style.
    Well, not exactly.
    More like I made the thunderbolt strike her πŸ˜€

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  14. @Jabez — LOL.. U ended that in typical Nigerian fashion — funny o! LOL.. Next time spare the bros the bother on #10.. It is hard enuf already…
    @leggy — LOL.. sent you another email.. just copy the URL an duse…
    @olufunke — Na so we dey see am o.. God dey sha!
    @tobenna — LOL.. God then.. I am still manufacturing the thunderbolt that I will fire.. soon enough.. and then it will all be over..lol

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  15. lol is it sad that I wish I could relate? I'd love some active interest in my single state from family and friends! I too will have my pick of little brides and grooms though …if they aren't too old enough to do the deed by then!

    #6 made me laugh.

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  16. …tough being single and not "settling" isn't it? You want to be with someone so bad, but wisely wait for the RIGHT someone …and you just keep on doing that Mr. Danny. God will bless your wait!
    & Remember "perfect" never comes.
    Go for the heart and the friendship factors. That lovely smile and eyes doesn't hurt either….
    Ooooooh I'm gettin excited now planing your romance…..LOL!
    Not sure how personal this blog was Danny, but I see a little autobio in everything everyone writes…..bless you,
    Kat

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  17. @GNG — Hmm… Maybe some interest is good…. Too much and it becomes an unwanted source of pressure o..
    @Tinu — No be small thing o…. Good for you on number 10 then..
    @Kat — Hmmm…. Not quite a 100% personal… LOL… Just musing over the travails of a single bloke…
    @Writefreak — LOL @ 'sighs of relief'.. Ahn ahn.. .Have I been that serious recently? Soon.. Not just yet….
    @Original Mgbeke — LOL… U go chop am… Not just yet… Norrin do u…

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  18. lol at bachelor tinted eyes! that is soo sad. I wonder if there's a female version in "you know you're a chronic spinster when…". if there is one I hope I never have to read it to confirm the euphemisms.

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