Rethinking… Life.

I had an eccentric- if morbid- pastime whilst growing up; fantasizing about dying; and that for as long as I can remember. This was not a simple hit-by-a-car death, but a major drawn out event complete with ambulances, flashing lights, weeping family, and heart broken friends. The object of those fantasies was to convince myself I was that important to all of them; and assuage my battered ego after being blasted to bits by my mum. I would imagine  Mother crying; eyes puffed up, hair flying in the wind, scarf wrapped around her waist, totally inconsolable, attempting to throw herself into the ditch, mourning her great loss – ME.  Often I would have Di in the background, bawling like a chicken deprived of her entire brood in a sweeping attack by hawks – only a slightly more dignified version of mum.

Lately though, a different twist to this has developed – I find myself pondering what my life will be remembered for. Typically we ‘die after a brief illness’, are ‘ survived by x, y and z’, and will be ‘fondly remembered by a, b, c’ – not exactly exiting the earth in a blaze of glory, but keeping things simple and ticking.  In all my typically detailed plans – elaborate exercises in wishful thinking, hopefully scrutinized through the lenses of pragmatism, complete with contingency plans B to D and a fail safe option – I have had grandiose targets.  I have found out in the last year though, that life isn’t as defined as I would think it is, and in reality fail safe options only exist in the pristine world of strategy games and to a lesser extent Chem E classes and Process Design software. The precociously talented Carlang says Life’s a gamble and I have the empirical evidence to agree. I am have been forced into rewriting the infamous 5 year plan – and for the first time in nearly 9 years the under-girding assumptions are not 100% in my control.

One thing is clear though – Life doesn’t roll over and offer easy pickings. Life is a no-holds barred, toe to toe contest, and I need to take life by the scruff of the neck; there are some gambles I need to make, major changes that I need to ring and I can already sense the flak flying in my direction, but the key question burning a hole at the back of my mind is the same one Jim Malone (played by Sean Connery) asked of Elliot Ness (played by Kevin Costner) in the film The Untouchables.

What are you prepared to do?

16 thoughts on “Rethinking… Life.

  1. Thank God you dont think about death anymore o…you know this post kinda reminds me of something Myles Munroe said…'the grave is the richest place on earth'….people take a lot of what they could have done or been or be remembered by to the grave…

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  2. Guess what RustGeek? I got a little bit of feedback from friends abt the new look and u won't believe it, they got a little bit attached to the old template as well. LOL…so I tweaked the colors a little bit to get that old iconic feeling…all you incorrigible folk!!! 🙂 Thanks so much for the feedback, I appreciate it more than u'll ever know (got bored of the old one, and I love the wider templates). Pls let me know what u think now…

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  3. "but the key question burning a hole at the back of my mind is the same one Jim Malone (played by Sean Connery) asked of Elliot Ness (played by Kevin Costner) in the film The Untouchables.

    nna mehn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  4. Mr RustGeek.
    I like this post, and I also have been pondering about death.
    Have u by any chance every read Leo Tolstoy's the death of Ivan llyich?

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  5. Hmmn! good question, u can choose to be on the fence and get some benefits from both sides (not the best option I tell u), u can choose to be like everyone else and just live to live (which is what most people do), or u can choose to be more aware spiritually and impact humanity positively through your awareness. The last option isn't the easiest but it's the most fufilling and very humbling.

    Nice blog by d way.

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  6. Thinking of death's not a horrific as it sounds. It does make one think more about life and making the most of it. Seen more deaths than i care to recall, some worse than others; comes with the territory
    loved this bit….. "Life doesn’t roll over and offer easy pickings. Life is a no-holds barred, toe to toe contest, and I need to take life by the scruff of the neck"….so true.

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  7. Oh Dear, i had the same thoughts when i's little… Makes sense why now? Would imagine myself dead to feel loved! Sick huh but guess we "special" in a weird way? LOL
    Anyway now i do imagine myself older looking back on life so that i can make the right decisions in my TODAY so that i'll be happy looking back but as you say life is a gamble, challenge, mystery, so just have to do the best we can and not spend too much time procrastinating but instead LIVE IT…

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  8. weird the only time i thought about death was when i was scolded……i tried to imagine me dying and how sorry they would feel for screaming at me.

    this post reminds me of bishop bloomers message…'what are you going to do with the second halve of your life?'…… i still haven't figured out what i want to do with this phase of my life. i know it's got to be something to remembered for. one thing i know for sure is, but like you say "Life doesn’t roll over and offer easy pickings"
    i need to wake up from my sleep walk and grab it by the 'scruff of the neck'

    we can never get a six if we dont roll the dice…bring the gamble on. lets live life like it should be:)

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  9. Just stoppin' bye to say hi….haven't been reading many blogs lately….but how well you remind me that….you is a strange chlie…strange chile….. 🙂

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  10. wow……………we have sumthn in common actually cz i used to imagine the same things wen i was little….thank goodness iv stopped now..lol

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