Demystifying…

LONG POST ALERT….

First off a big shout out to all the peeps I met with or spoke with during my trip to Nigeria – Doug, PoeticallyTinted and Naughty Eyes. You peeps made the calisthenics of moving around Lagos less torturous.. Dante, I dey vex big time.. We go ruff things when next I enter LasGidi.. Mscheeew.. Hmmm.. Belated birthday wishes too to Funms of the paused journey…..No do anyhow o!!!!

Thankfully, you peeps didn’t ask me any really hard questions, so here are the answers..You’ll not get under DB’s skin ever again.. So savor the moment.. LOL

There were a number of age related queries from Nefertiti, ReadyDee and Original Mgbeke. In all my many years on earth I have yet to meet a young lady who answered directly a question on her age. Are there different rules for guys and girls on this one? Anyways,  I will answer with a riddle, and a fact that you can google to come up with the answer.. Or maybe at the very end I will oblige.. We’ll see.

I’ve lived in four decades, but I’m not 40…….Was old enough to remember Maradona scoring the hand of god goal against England at the Mexico ’86 World Cup. Plus I  was born 2 days before two Aeroflot planes collided over Ukraine, killing 156 people.

 

Gee had a bunch of questions, but since she only seriously asked one, one it is. Why did I start blogging? Back in ’06 I needed to deal with a whole lot of hurt. I talked about it in my the truth about Di post. I talked to a friend, who advised I journalled, I googled journalling and found out I could do it online via a blog, and I started my old blog-city blog. Eventually started off a blogger blog in 2007 and the rest as they say is history

Aloted had a question about my teenage years, peer pressure and if I survived it, as well as wanting some words of advice for the younger dudes. I managed to survive as a teenager, but I capitulated big time as a young adult.  My rep preceeded me to University, plus my folks were pretty well known across the state in the Christian student community, so fellowship ‘big boys’ were lining up to take me under their wings. I also got involved in my fellowship pretty quickly, so the visibility kind of helped keep things in check. Had friends – but most of them were chaps who were born and bred right but who had slipped along the way, so they realized the importance of what I had. Aside of the odd occasion, peer pressure was non-existent for me.

Got my dream job at 23, away from everyone who knew me and my past and a sense of adventure kicked in.  Still didn’t smoke and drink but when the occasional opportunity to get intimate came up I jumped at it.

Three things I would recommend to a young man

  • Understand for yourself the reasons behind whatever prohibitions you have acquired.
  • Surround yourself with people of like minds who can re-inforce them
  • Ensure you are in at least one relationship of accountability – someone who can ring you up at any time and ask the hard questions as required..

 

Bumight was curious about the source of the theOOhj moniker and wanted me to describe her in 50 words. Well, Nothing sublime here. I played every incarnation of Football/Championship Manager since 2001. I used to start off in Italy, and I needed an Italian name to fit my persona. theOOhj jumped to mind – sounded Italian, I added Danny cos it sounded nice alongside theOOhj and it sounded a whole lot like my real life nickname from back in the day.. Found out eventually that it’s a region in Italy, so it might have come one of them romantic novels  I read as a kid. I  dunno. The description – when I get my muse to hammer out an acrostic, I’ll deliver.

Naughty Eyes had a slew of questions

  • Why I’m still single? I’ve always being a one girl dude, and I had Di for a large proportion of my life, so I basically wasn’t looking. After Di, there was the girl from Med School who thought we needed to stay just friends, then there was the lawyer who was a shrink job gone awry….. Lawyer was an old mate from secondary school and after she broke up with a guy after 7 years, I listened to all her rants and raves and basically shrinked her. She had ideas, I didn’t and I didn’t bite.. Right now though, I’m half way through a year’s hiatus – taking time out to understand what the undergirding axioms for a successful marriage are. We’ll see what happens at the end of that..
  • Why do good girls love bad guys? A messiah complex maybe – or maybe at heart girls are intrigued by all the things and experiences a bad guy brings to the table.. Or maybe the good guy totally lacks swag? I dunno.
  • Any connections with the Mafia? Of course, why would you doubt that.. LOL
  • With the rate oil prices dwindle nowadays, any future in the Petroleum industry? I’d say there is bruv. I mean i bet almost 23,000 pounds that there is one.. I know a number of oil majors use prices in the region of 14 dollars a barrel as their long term planning number. The slump in prices just affects the viability of a number of less conventional oil and gas resources – deep offshore, tight or shale gas type developments. Renewables are far from having the efficiencies required to compete favourably with fossil fuels.. I know I still have at least another 50 yrs in the pipeline industry!
  • Need your advice on a future course of study: Geophysics or Software Engineering (which has a brighter future a.k.a. more money)? Well.. I’d say money depends on how well you chase whichever option. The geophysics thing seems to me like chasing a job, while on the software side of things it should be possible to knock together a few partners and set out on your own. I know a couple of dudes who went down the software route and are doing just fine at the moment.
  • Has there been any time you’ve been tempted to say, “Aw, sod it!” and walked out on Blogville? Yeah.. Several – I walked away from my old blog-city blog (but then no Nigerians read it) just a couple of Caucasians who were probably only interested in the emotions behind the words I wrote. I used to have a blogger blog – under my real name – which I deleted in October. Unless something major happens to me now though I doubt I’ll walk away completely, especially because I have begun to see a number of viable opportunities for truly global collaboration.
  • What is so addictive about Soccer video games even after we have played all the teams and won all the virtual tournaments (considering I actually dislike the sport in real life) Bruv – I wish I knew.. I’ve kicked my own Football Manager habit though.. and replaced it with more blogging and reading!
  • Is there any need saving the world? Laudable ideal bruv, unfortunately you and I cannot save the world.  Be that as it may, I think we have the world on trust and our activities have the greatest influence on its long term sustainability – unless the apocalypse occurs of course.

Ready Dee also had a slew of questions.

  • Have you ever lived in the southwest region of Nigeria? If yes, for how long? I served the FatherLand in Kwara State back in ’02/03 if that counts – plus I spent quite some time supporting deepwater assets out of Lagos last year..So I would say yes to that.
  • Would you give up blogging if someone dear to you asked? Tough call.. but if I understood the rationale behind it I could, if i got some concessions in return like more ‘US’ time.
  • Have you plans of returning to and settling back in Nigeria? Yup. Still technically have my old job in Nigeria. I only left Nigeria to chase my Msc – I plan to head back sharply in October this year.
  • Would you disclose your real id on your blog (just for the sake of doing so)? I used to blog as my self in the past, there really is no reason why I couldn’t do it if I wanted to… I came close to anyways after my cousin bust my bubble – but guess some mystery is fine anyways..

An anonymous e-mailer, Buttercup and Original Mgebeke wanted to know what other characteristics Mrs DB needed aside of the well documented Akara making prowess…

  • A worldview that is consistently congruent with mine: faith, religion, beliefs, practices, customs and traditions. God used to be the nexus of my life, before I went on a detour for a few years.  As of March 09, I took concious steps to close the gap.. I’m slowly getting there. And Mrs DB has to be at least be on a similar journey to finding God. I’d expect Mrs DB to be a Christian, one who is committed to living out her faith on a day by day basis in her real world, not just in the closet. The whole world view thing affects the way we behave, and knowing that we think off the same premises gives me confidence that we can reach mutually inclusive conclusions on issues which are bound to come up.
  • Same sense of long term direction: For me I know long term that my life is about making a difference in the area of collaboration & mentorship (using the different skills and knowledge that individuals in my world have acquired separately to contribute to the life of younger people). So I know that there are conferences that I will host in future, there are projects that I will chase and all that kind of stuff. Its critical that she can understand what drives me in that direction, and a congruent worldview is a big part of that.
  • Intelligence and the ability to cogitate on the axioms of life and relationships. I’d expect Mrs DB to be intelligent – not a 4.5/5 GPA intelligence (that would be fine though), but that ability to discuss on a wide range of issues, to understand-the-principles-behind-stuff kind of thing. Hmmm… mixed up tenses do not do it for me at all… An appreciation for the arts – Shakespeare, Dickens, Chaucer and Soyinka – and a dose of apologetics would be a real plus.
  • A good personality: temperament, character, attitudes, communication skills: I’d expect Mrs DB to have a warm, possibly bubbly personality. Somehow I’ve been blessed to have only had that refreshing mix of spiritual yet not stuck up peeps in my life, and I want to keep it that way. I’d like Mrs DB to be someone who can talk to me if she’s got an issue, not get on a high horse and expect me to somehow miraculously detect that she’s hurting. Guess I’m as emotionally daft as they come!
  • Focused and driven to succeed: I’d expect Mrs DB to have a life aside of me.. Something that keeps her driven and something she succeeds at that I can contribute to.  Marriage to me should be a symbiotic partnership, where both parties far exceed their individual abilities cos of the influence of the other.
  • An acceptance of the importance of family: I’m really close to my siblings and we talk a lot on many things.. its critical that it continues, albeit in the proper context. They’ve been there for me, and I need to be there for them too.. Albeit they fill out a lower priority. Mrs DB shall be numero uno, but depending on criticality she will have to realize that resources and time may be required to help out siblings.
  • A general acceptance of the principles of complementarianism in marriage: With some caveats though, I truly believe that there are roles for men and women in marriage. While the bible sets out the primary roles – loving a wife and submitting to a husband- in marriage, the secondary roles are reversed. Truly loving someone implies placing the loved one above oneself which has an element of submitting one’s need to the needs of the loved. Submission can only occur if there is enough love for the one submitted to in the first place. And that has to be earned. So while I agree in principle, I think there’s more to it than just the whole love/ submit argument.
  • A Nigerian – or at least able to empathize with the Nigerian ethos.. Cos my life is inexorably linked to Nigeria.
  • I must find Mrs DB totally titillating: I must find attractive – not just skin deep Halle Berry type attraction – but a whole life attraction. Such that even when the physical attributes fade, I can still relate to her on a deeply personal level.

Anonymous e-mailer had a number of other questions

  • Do I really have grey hair? Yup – two strands only… Except that i keep my hair so low these days that to all intents and purposes they are non- existent.
  • How many books do u read in a day? Whole books?? None.. Currently read a chapter of a non-academic book daily as part of my sleeping off routine.

Original Mgbeke had a few other questions

  • How tall are you? Original Mgbeke : 5-11 last time i went for a Medical
  • Do you have any absolute turn offs in a female? Yup quite a few… key one is that I can’t stand a nagging attitude, if we goofed on sommething, let’s admit it and find a plan to come out of it. No point reminiscing about it for like forever. I can’t stand a ‘know it all’ attitude especially when its obvious its so contrived.
  • How are things with the faith? Are you a born again Christian? Guess my old ‘About Me’ was the classic description. Born right, bred right, had a truly emotional God connection at 11, before i made a detour into the way of all flesh a few years ago. I made sorting out that one of my priorities for 2009. Only in March did I finally realize how far I’d gone, which prompted this post. Thankfully this post by Jaycee brought me to a place where I needed to take a descison. And I think I made the right one.. As Pastor Paul Adefarasin once said, I’m now God’s son, but only in the flesh – Got issues, but making progress with closing my gaps..
  • Apart from being a tried and true GEEK and blogging, what other things really interest you, DB? First off I don’t agree I am a Geek — whatever that means.. I just think I’m different. Guess thinking on the subject of life, playing the odd PC game, talking to my small circle of close peeps, trying my hand on different literary styles for the fun of it and Liverpool FC are the key interests I have.
  • The generic 5 year plan question… Well.. the 5 yr plan is  my plan… Sets out my near term (1 yr) and medium term (5 yr) goals each December. The next 5 yrs for me are critical.. I should finish my Msc this year, get my dream job back, possibly start chasing THE ONE in the 4th Qtr of this year…get married in 2011… Renew my Professional Memberships, take a couple of exams, learn french, get a career move in 2015… Lots of stuff

ButterCup had a few questions too..

  • What do you regard as the best thing that has happened to you? Several candidates — but overall it would have to be growing up in the house I did. At the time I thought my folks were uber harsh (I actually still have sketches from a book I started writing back in the day that I titled When Silence Was Golden – lol) and all that ish but looking back I can see they were under very intense pressures themselves and they inculcated characters into me that have helped me go as far as I have in life.
  • What do u think is/are your best quality/ies? Hmmm… My friends think I listen and I can genuinely relate to the stuff they share, plus  I give fairly decent advice. I think I have the ability to detach myself from a situation, no matter how complex and it helps me devise a solution most times.
  • If you were to live anywhere in the world, Nigeria excluded, where would you choose and why? Hmmm, would probably be Canada, some family friends went to Canada when I was very young and sent back pictures of snow and I told myself I would go there some day.. More recently I came close to taking up offers in the UK and the US.. Was admitted to the Queensland University of Technology back in ’02 but my job came and I opted to work instead, so Australia was also an option at some stage. Ultimately I think if its not Nigeria, its Canada — extremes maybe but it works for me.. LOL…
  • Hugs or kisses? (lol I saw this in some meme on fb) Can’t I have both? Guess hugs are more mesured and less obvious than kisses.. So I’d go for them if I had to choose. LOL..

Nice Anon asked a couple of questions…

  • With regards to the 5 year plan, do you think you have achieved most of it? Well.. I started a new 5 yr cycle this year.. I’d acheived the bulk of the last cycle except getting an Msc (which I now have started) and getting married. Current 5 year plan has key items as I have referenced in my comments to original mgbeke’s question. They are all achievable, albeit with a significant amount of energy input..LOL..
  • Have you gotten around to telling your FB crush that you like her? Remember no dulling! Well, FB crush is dead and buried I think.. We actually talk, quite a bit, and she’s cool, checks all the boxes and all that but there’s a guy I know who’s in the mix plus I had the unfortunate task of shrinking her early this year (two cardinal things that force my hand to migrate her into the just friend’s category). Short answer is we’re friends, but that’s where it ends…especially cos I’m taking a hiatus from the dating thing till the end of this year…

54 thoughts on “Demystifying…

  1. nice expose on u, u cannot be 29!!! for real????? u????????

    i was just tripping for ya (let ur head not swell). i have my own questions, be back to ask them.

    PS:

    Like

  2. @Sleekist — LOL.. The questions forced me to do some soul searching too.. So on the plus side I found it therapeutic..
    @Buttercup — Hmm.. Seems like you are losinng your A game on here o.. Guess its or exam issues… lol.. Thanks for stopping by..
    @Omotee – LOL… Tot I was some pampers wearing teenager or what? LOL… I don tey o.. I no be today meat again o..
    @Lady A — Feel free……
    @NoLimit — hmm.. next to study, work has to be the next 'drudgiest' activity.. Sigh!

    Like

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