Err… so all in one week – I grilled chicken to dryness and almost set off fire alarms, my diet has consisted only of spaghetti, chicken and chips, I woke up today craving/lusting for piping hot akara, and my mum has been on my case. So I am putting out a classified ad for a certified akara maker. Enjoy
Job Title: Certified e-Akara Maker
Req ID: JustDB-09-20/2011
Location: StuckVille, Limboland
Role Synopsis: A need for a Certified Akara maker has arisen at DB & Associates. Conventional wisdom suggests that the way to any client’s heart is the stomach. It is thus imperative that this position be filled on priority.
This position will involve the unearthing of rare culinary delights to complement the standard Nigerian suitcase of pap and akara, amala and ewedu, pounded yam, beans and dodo amongst others. This is anticipated to include extensive research work to source and ultimately verify in full scale tests, the suitability or otherwise of items to complement the basic suitcase offered. The role will require regular interaction with other members of the industry and will involve the adoption of best practices to ensure that consistently high levels of performance are maintained at all times.
- Provide timely servings of aforementioned culinary delights as per agreed time lines and also upon demand provided a mutually agreed ‘minimum time to delivery’ is provided.
- Provide ‘chew-chew’ on Saturday afternoons while football watching is ongoing as well as samples while the main items are being ‘cured’ to elicit feedback.
- Manage Project expenditure within mutually agreed limits as bench marked against industry best practices.
- Ensure project architecture is consistent with size and scale and takes into account the activities of ‘mini-me’s
- Offer measured opinions on everything from apoplexy to zoology, be able to engage client on issues. Listen to complaints from Project Manager and provide considered advice on the way forward.
- Accompany Project Manager on meetings with National operators and support claims with data to refute any frivolous arguments.
- Offer complementary massages (and any other services required) as needed.
Essential criteria and qualifications:
- Demonstrable evidence of Project Management skills NOT acquired in a live role
- Culinary skills, or the ability to acquire them at short notice greater than 9.55 on the Gordon Ramsay
- Project architecture skills greater than 8.75 on the Martha Stewart scale
- Eye candy potential greater than 9.99 on the Halle Berry scale
- Sufficient knowledge of football to be able to recognize Liverpool shirts as opposed to Man Utd or Arsenal shirts.
- Teamwork and interpersonal skills.
- Emotional intelligence sufficient to detect subtle shades of moroseness and apply TLC to resolve them.
- Dwarfs and Midgets need not apply.
Relocation available: Yes and desired.
Travel required: Yes, depending on initial location of successful applicant.
Is this a part time position: No
Renumeration: Competitive at start, performance- based for the duration of contract and indexed to the relevant industry benchmarks.
Projected Start Date: Pre-screening and field trials for successful candidates will commence in September 2009. It is anticipated that the full role will be awarded in time to commence 4Q2011.