The case of the old school mates…. and other random thoughts…

Just wondering what it is with old school mates hooking up after many years… Have heard of three weddings in the last 2 months between people who were old secondary school classmates of mine…. Plus there’s one more to attend in 9ja in April — sincerely hope i can make that on its a valid excuse to hit 9ja… The pair who are getting married in April didn’t actually talk much between themselves when we were in school, well as far as I know, so i can’t just place the source of the sudden affinity..But then maybe its more a case of sticking with what you know versus venturing into worlds unknown in dating someone fresh…..

Heard some rather distubing news today — got added by an old school mate on Facebook (where else do they re-enter your life from these days) — who proceeded to take me to task very seriously on why yours truly was still very single.. More on that when I’ve had time and the civility to give a point by point rebuttal of his very withering attack on moi…. Disturbing news tho was that a mutal classmate — we’ll call her Oby — had gotten married to some lousy chap in the late November time frame.. This was a very “serious” lady back in the day, got into Medicine early within a year of leaving secondary school, while i was still scouting for the best remedial centre to register in, and basically epitomized the classic “wife material” as one dude aptly described it back in the day… Apparently, while she was still in Med school, there was this “raz” engineering bro who was always on her case, dhe being the very focused type would not have anything to do with him.. 2 years after Med school tho, she ended up marrying him… As far as I know, the dude is basically jobless – tho he claims he’s chasing contracts in PH………

My two questions then are:
1. Do most people find it “easier” to date someone you’ve known for very long in a none romantic setting? Like a school mate, or someone from church, or the locality where you grew up?

2. How serious is the pressure to just shack up with any available guy/ girl even if you know the’re crap just to acheive the married status once certain timelines are crossed?

19 thoughts on “The case of the old school mates…. and other random thoughts…

  1. my last ex was an old high school mate of mine……. we had mutual friends then, 7yrs later, we re connected and all…. as for me, dont think its easier… its all d same, its either it works or notas per no 2: heck no, i can never settle for less!

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  2. 1. its not easier. if anything, the dude would have to try harder…except i had a secret crush on him :)2. im young, the pressure is not serious at all. but even if i cross "the" timeline, there's a certain level of crap that i CANNOT deal with, and that level is very high!

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  3. I think it's a good idea when u reach a certain age and u're still single- to start looking at old family friends or folks you went to school with. At least with those you already know their background- so no need for much research.As for No.2, meehhhnnn I too sometimes feel to go down that route just to get my family off my back or to wipe the mocking look on people's face when they hear that i'm single. But meeehhhnnn the thot of shacking up with someone i dont like or I know/feel is crap for the REST OF MY LIFE- terrifies me! HELL NO, i love myself too much.So me darling- don't let the pressure get to u and tell those that feel becos they are happily married and their retarded minds can not comprehend why/how u are still single- u can tell them to go shag themselves, n'it?!!!! :):):)

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  4. i think that most people marry old classmates etc..because they think the person knows them best or as the saying goes is better to marry the devil you know than the angel you dont know….and some people just decide to shack upwith anyting because the biological clock is ticking..but i think it's better to wait for the right person and be happy than go with the wrong person and be unhappy..because it al comes down to the fact that you are going tobe living with that person till death do you part…..i would say that you shouldn't feel any pressure…!

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  5. Hmmm, good catch on this. It seems to be a prevailing topic these days. I agree it's somewhat easier to hook up with someone you already have something in common with no matter how remote it is. eg, growing up in the same environs etc. I feel more comfortable with that… starting out all fresh can be hard especially if u don't have common friends.On the second one, i strongly advice not to settle for less. yea the pressure is neck high, but the thot of living with that one for the rest of life makes me want to just wait and pray and whatever else i can do…The best is to get a word from God concerning the person you eventually choose.

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  6. 1) Well I think its quite easy to get reacquainted with an old school mate etc esp if u kinda had a crush on them or vice versa2)It seems a lot of people are succumbing to the pressures of family, married friends etc and settling for less instead of waiting for the best. I think some women esp. think time is running out.

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  7. I wouldnt say easier but it def. more familiar and so theres an easier transition to get into a relationship with old school mates. The only danger is that both of you most likely have changed since school and what attracted you to the person then might not be who the person is anymore, even if you were never attracted to the person then, still the info u had about the person then is different from who they are now and you mihgt find that you dont like the person so much now. Id say its better to take it with a grain of salt, treat them like someone you just met cuz being friends and boy/girl friends is not the same. So still get to know who they are like you only just met.About the family pressure…theres time for everything, everyones life is different depending on what plan God has for you. The people who are putting pressure on you will not be in it with you if you make the wrong choice out of pressure. Forever is a very long time to be with someone you're not happy with. Love is the sweetest thing in life and so its worth the wait to find that special one…notice i didnt say perfect cuz that is a cliche most pple are stuck on.

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  8. well,there is really no embargo on it.lol.as long as they are in love and ready to spend the rest of thier lives together..plus,there might have been an attraction back in the day.

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  9. Ok…on a lighter note, me thinks it is jazz!!!lol kidding…I guess people just make choices under undue pressure and console themselves by saying "it could be worse"….

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  10. Thanks for all your comments on this, guess in summary while being old friends generally makes it easier to (re)start a relationship, it still requires as much work to make it progress as though you didn't know each other before…On the pressure thing, there are too many variables to make a definitive statement, age, parents, and just what the minimum requirements of the individual are….

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  11. It is more comfortable to date someone you have known for a very long time….that is, if you are a practical personas for your second question, does everyone know this guy/girl is crap, or is he/she crappy hidden under a bushel?

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  12. I never did like the idea of 'old friend' turned boyfriend- it normally tends to lack romance, cos the guy for some reason does not make much of an effort as he would a 'fresh' girl.I just think anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of one's time.

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  13. i dont rily see manny advantage…cos the person might have changed and for me the newness adds to the whole adventure so is a fifty fifty adv/disadvantage thn for me.the yorubas say apekotojeun ko gbodo tun je ibaje:-it means tht if ur eating very late….then u must eat the very best.since iv waited this long…i had better marry someone great tht i love.

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  14. its a hard nut to crack cos ppl change….u obviously cannot hook up with someone back in high school(juvile behaviour)!!!!!!!!and then, the reconnection:hmmmm…..so ppl reconnect;u neva know…there was an old high school mate that just asked me out…(guess he was trying to reconnect)…i told him, i dont see the need to…(for many reasons)…..Talk about PRESSURE…..leave it to be,dont let it get to u,altho my extended family members are begining to get on my last nerves!!!!

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  15. Sure I can date an old friend if I'm still comfortable with him and he fit perfectly to what I want.No matter how the pressure, their is no point in rushing,whats the point of running in and rushing out? The bottom line is to take it slowly, no matter how long it takes. Though one may feel lonely and peer pressure may wanna push you to it. But believe me if anything is going to make you happy is to find eternal love not some crap, even those pressurizing you will be the ones 2 mock u.

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  16. Once a girl graduates, the pressure to settle down intensifies from both family and peers.Its then left for the babe not to succumb to this and wait for the right time and not just shack up with the next dude that winks at her..Unfortunately, many girls dont wait for the right time they just say I do to the next guy coz they feel this "pressure" to conform…Once u have graduated and have no potential man.. even those yeye aunties that have never said a word to u in their lives are suddenly calling u up to ask abt ur wedding date and asking WHY u dont have a man???To aoivd the so-called stigmatization and prevent excess questioning.. girls just agree for the next dude…. An error on many occassions.. only a few actually enjoy themselves the rest spend a good portion of the rest of thier lives paying for thier hasty decisions…..

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  17. @Anonymous… Very true… Only its the young ladies of today who are miffed by the pressures the aunty of today give them that become the anutys of tomorrow – putting pressure on the young ladies of tomorrow….

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